where do i begin ?

(clenching my fist , looking at the ceiling .)

ah , so here it is .

chapter one of love in my 2018 life .

( smiling bitterly , eyes a bit watery)

do you feel okay , to continue this-

ah , of course of course ! please just forward with your question .

( smiling again , regaining composure )

where did you meet him ?

ah , how should i put this ?

he is my highschool junior . a nice one , i never heard anything bad about him though .

erm , whats more ? just a bit arrogant ? he seldomly smile .. whenever i saw him .

( stopped a bit)

i think that was built by our school preferrence , to not be too friendly among other gender , i guess that played role .

but ..

i think i once saw his smile . very pretty with a nice white teeth .

didnt know anything else , or maybe i didnt pay attention to him .

well , im in love with someone else that time , and he is younger ..

so yeah .

(chuckled)

ahh , so how did you fall for him then ? do you actually didnt prefer younger boy ?

(staring down to the floor , thinking )

it just a feeling ? i am actually very suprised about how i act to him .

to be honest , im a bit .. introvert ?

but then love change you . i made the first move ..

and actually freaked out in front of my closest friend for the first time ..

( smiled when remember about it .)

and about the next question ..

i dont oppose that . people fall in love in mysterious way , like Ed Sheeran sang ?

im glad anyway , i never felt like that .

nice reference you have there . 

ah , really ? you are so kind .. im actually bad in conversation .. let alone telling something private like this ..

and talking about kind .. its remind me ..

about how kind he is ?

ah yes . he is really kind . he gave a really corny joke , he does everything to make our conversation alive whenever i started to lost about what topic we should talk about .

he is nice .. one that kind that you cant even hate for breaking your heart 

(sighed )

i see . so , what so special about him ?

erm .. he is a mix between all types of boy i want from reading a comic to watching a drama .

tall , nice hand , play instrument and does art .

of course , he isnt hundred percent perfect .. but he is admirable .

I just think i shouldnt lost him , when i get him ..

 and why -

beacuse i never even crossed on his mind . 

i would never crossed his heart .

he always thought me as someone older that mature and thoughtful .

sister-zoned at the best  right ?

(chuckled , one drop of tears falling out )

ah , please dont cry im sorry-

ahhh , no its not your fault . im the emotional girl , im sorry .

sorry -

 he also say sorry a lot of time .

there is one time i made up some question to talk to him .

he couldnt answer it , then for sake of god he kept saying sorry .

did he felt sorry for my take on talking to him?

did im so obvious desperately in love with him ?

i wonder about it too .

please , dont say sorry to me .

(smiling)

why actually you never tell him about your real feeling ?

ah . that .

its because ..

he still in love with the same person , for years .

i couldnt beat that , yeah ?

i couldnt do that when he literally send me a song .. telling about how they broke up ?

constantly telling me between line , about how he felt betrayed ?

tell me , how could i ?

i just ..

end up comforting him . like i always do to everyone .

telling him , that if she was meant for him .. never for anyone else .

( closing eyes , playing with fingers .)

you done so well , girl . 

 i hope so .

i just ..

want him to be happy , you know .

any last word ?

thankyou for comfort word and song .your presence are forever appreciated .

please find your happiness , and choose someone right for you .

if its her , chase her then .

i am here , whenever you need shoulder to cry on , alright ?

( smiling sincerely)

chapter 0 : try again , ended .